Relationships and
lack of communication
by avi alog
Relationship is a big part of our life and we all experienced different types of it: good ones, weird ones, hard ones, easy, short or long, but no matter which type of relationship we had, in some way one thing had always been noticeable- lack of communication.
I'll explain, lack of communication is more than not talking about things that bother us; it's more about our general conduct in the relationship, in all of it.
For example, there are a lot of situations when people don’t feel at their best for any reason, and they expect their partner to understand that and ask or try to figure out what's wrong with them.
The problem is that sometimes our expectation is not fulfilled and then problems or fights start to wake up, a lot of couples that say the other side doesn’t understand them.
The problem here is not from the side of our partner that doesn't understand us, the problem is us, that we don’t share, we expect.
A lot of cases in relationships are expectations of the couples from each other, we expect to be understood without saying anything, but what happens if the other side doesn’t understand? So he\she doesn’t care? He\she doesn’t understand us good enough?
Why do we even need to act in such a complicated way? Why don’t we just say our true feeling? So many problems can be avoided if we realize that instead of expecting each other, we can just say it, we can share, and if we'll do so, a lot of disappointments or arguments won't exist.
In a lot of situations our partner won't even know that something happened to us, sometimes we get disappointed or expecting without even letting the other side know about it.
Many relationships that finished or damaged, where a cause of lack of communication: if it's about our opinions of our life or our partner's, if it's the sex, if it's the money, going out with her or his friends, if it's the clothes that our partner is wearing, if it's about the outside look of our partner or even just a feeling we felt that we didn’t share because we thought it wasn't so important.
From what I personally experienced in my relationships, communication was the biggest and most important thing, and it was missing.
When I hear about couple's problems, some sentences repeated themselves:
"He doesn’t understand me", "I didn’t know how to explain her", "I was afraid of her reaction" and many more stoppers that eventually caused problems in the relationship.
Even though I'm not married, I can guess that married couple has even more issues and problems, because of the responsibility there is in marriage, there is the money that almost all the couples share together, there are children and their education, and inside this entire thing that called marriage, the couple supposed to run a relationship as well.
That's why you will hear from a lot of married couples that love doesn’t stay forever, that other things are holding the relationship, if it’s the children, the family, if it's a habit or any other thing, but the truth is that love always exist, it's just there's a lot of things around us that interfering us to love, things that we actually let them interfere the love for our partner.
We forgot that the man or the woman that wakes up next to us every morning is the person we fell in love with, the person we selected to spend the rest of our life with.
People that don’t believe in love and say that love doesn’t exist, not really mean it, it's just a result of the things that happen to them and they didn’t make room for the love inside of them.
There are a lot of couples in the world that their love just keep getting stronger as the years pass by, some say that it's bullshit, but it is happening rather you believe it nor not.
The simple reason is that those people make room for their relationship, because it is a very necessary thing for them, when they had problems with the other side they just talked about it, they were open with their feelings and their thought, that's why they felt closer, more connected, and that's how their love kept growing.
When there is a lack of communication the love is fading away or even forgotten, the patience of the couple to each other getting shorter, most of them expected things from each other or get disappointed because the other side doesn't understand them, like they want to, words of love are not something they will say so much, they make more room for anger, fights, suspicions, concerns, everything that is negative, and why? Lack of communication.
Think about it, when your partner tells you something personal about themselves, did you ever felt something negative from it? When your partner told you that they love you, have you ever felt bad from it? Did you feel like fighting? Felt Impatience? How do you explain that feeling when your partner opens up to you with something that bother them or something that you didn’t know about them? Did your feelings become stronger or lower? I believe it got stronger.
If we'll learn to handle like that in a relationship, be more open up with each other, about anything, the relationship will change, it will be stronger, more stable, openness should be natural for us, something that we will want to do, that we want to share.
The moment we share something with a person we love we make an emotional connection, something that both sides can feel.
The other side will feel closer to us because we decided to share with him something, our feelings, we opened ourselves because we wanted to, we wanted to have communication, so there won't be things we haven’t told.
Sex, for example, is a very influence subject and can be very frustrating in a lot of relationships, a lot of men and women have problems with their partner, it doesn’t matter right now on what, but the problem is they don’t tell each other about them for a lot of reasons like; "it's not appropriate to talk about it" because the other side might get offended, but is it right to keep it to ourselves and not saying anything? Doesn’t it hurt the other side?
A lot of times we don’t tell our problems or thoughts because we fear from all kind of situations, things that we invented in our minds, situations that doesn’t really exist.
Communication is the first thing we heard when we came out from our mom's belly when she spoke to us and expressed her feelings to us when she first met us.
We are having communications with our friends; tell them about our problems so we can feel batter, so we can get some advice or help, we know that if we won't talk our problems won't be solved.
A lot of times we feel a huge relief when we took out what we wanted to say, we feel lighter, more comfortable.
The same should be in relationships, we want to feel good, to feel comfortable, we share another world with the person we love, a person that loves us.
If we want to get some peace full with love and caring we should talk, about everything, all that bother us, the good and the bad, things that we like in our partner, things we don’t, things that bother us in our personal life or things that make us happy.
Another thing that is not less important than being open with the other side is to believe that our partner is interested to hear us, that we are interesting people; there are a lot of situations in relationships that one of the couple think that their partner doesn’t interest enough in them or in the things they have to say, so they become more closed and not willing to share so much.
We must not think that the other side isn’t interested in us or in what we have to say; we are disrespecting ourselves, first of all, because we don’t give enough importance to ourselves and this is a terrible thing to do!!
We have to remember that we are always important, that we are valuable, that we are people with abilities and ambitions, we have all the value and importance as any another person in this world has, and at the moment we truly understand that, the way we will talk about ourselves with our partner will be different, our attitude will be different and the other side will definitely feel it.
Take for example a situation where you talk about something that you really like, the way you will talk about it will be with a lot of passion and the other side will get sucked into your story just because of the love you have for this thing.
However, if you will talk about something you don’t like so much, that you don’t give a lot of importance to, the other side will feel it immediately and he won't get interested in it because you are not!!
The same goes to the communication between the couple, as long as we appreciate ourselves and our partner, we can talk about everything in the most honest and real way, with all the passion and the satisfactory so the other side will understand, be interested, be in our side.
We know that there is no replacement for talking; we go to psychologists or therapists, just to talk, why? Because we can't talk to our partners, to our family etc.
Let's solve this problem, let's just talk, about everything, with our partners, with our family, with our friends, because we know how much good can eventually come out of it, how good we can feel when we take everything out.
Talking is something that we do every day all our life, let's just open ourselves, feel free to talk with the people we love, people that are important to us, people we share our life with, we'll feel batter with ourselves and our partners will feel good with us.
We all want to be in a healthy and calm relationship and we are responsible for it, so let's do it in the best and truly way we can, for a better life, mentally and physically.
Do it for the most important person in your life, yourself!!